So, long story short, I'm having troubling coping with my sexuality...
I am romantically attracted to girls but sexually attracted to guys and I tried to fight it by saying I'm bisexual, until tonight happened. I went on a date with a girl that I really liked that my brother's gf set me up with and we had a great time until we decided to fool around tonight. So I tried to get in the mood and we fooled around a little bit but she asked me at least 2-3 times if I had issues 'getting it up' while we were playing around because I, in all honesty, wasn't sexually interested. That messed with my head until I finally got up saying I needed to go on a walk and she said she would go with me. It was then that I opened up.
So, probably one of the most awkward conversations happened to me when I explained to this girl that I really liked her but I wasn't actually attracted to her. She tried to tell me that it's totally fine, but it doesn't feel fine at all. I feel like I used her, and I told her how bad I felt because I really cared about her and now I really screwed that whole situation up because I just couldn't force myself into a fake relationship. Now I'm just really hurt and confused because I really wanted this relationship to work out and for me to be at least partially straight so I could at least have a chance at having a semi-normal family. But now I'm just facing reality that this isn't going to happen to me and I have to change my circumstances drastically to achieve a similar sort of happiness.
I don't know what to do, and quite frankly I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just had to open up to somebody or something to sort of help cope with this fucking bullshit that I'm going through where I don't want to be gay but I am gay and I couldn't even force myself to be with a girl when I wanted to and I cared about her. This isn't fair, and I feel really bad right now.
I'm sorry. :(
I'm just really lost and upset...
It's not fair :(
I am romantically attracted to girls but sexually attracted to guys and I tried to fight it by saying I'm bisexual, until tonight happened. I went on a date with a girl that I really liked that my brother's gf set me up with and we had a great time until we decided to fool around tonight. So I tried to get in the mood and we fooled around a little bit but she asked me at least 2-3 times if I had issues 'getting it up' while we were playing around because I, in all honesty, wasn't sexually interested. That messed with my head until I finally got up saying I needed to go on a walk and she said she would go with me. It was then that I opened up.
So, probably one of the most awkward conversations happened to me when I explained to this girl that I really liked her but I wasn't actually attracted to her. She tried to tell me that it's totally fine, but it doesn't feel fine at all. I feel like I used her, and I told her how bad I felt because I really cared about her and now I really screwed that whole situation up because I just couldn't force myself into a fake relationship. Now I'm just really hurt and confused because I really wanted this relationship to work out and for me to be at least partially straight so I could at least have a chance at having a semi-normal family. But now I'm just facing reality that this isn't going to happen to me and I have to change my circumstances drastically to achieve a similar sort of happiness.
I don't know what to do, and quite frankly I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just had to open up to somebody or something to sort of help cope with this fucking bullshit that I'm going through where I don't want to be gay but I am gay and I couldn't even force myself to be with a girl when I wanted to and I cared about her. This isn't fair, and I feel really bad right now.
I'm sorry. :(
I'm just really lost and upset...
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