The sense of self and diapers.

A whole ago I was thinking about the sense of self and how diapers are linked to that idea. For me, I feel that a part of me is missing when diapers aren't involved, but on the other hand, I don't like the way I feel after having sexually satisfying myself while wearing said diapers. I feel like I'm being pulled apart. Not sure what else to do or try. Anyone ever feel that way?

The sense of self and diapers.