Gone Too Soon...

I............. *tears up* I WAS a father.... My fiance found out she was pregnant.... I haven't posted this until now... but I'm crying and I can't hold back anymore... my fiance and I lost a baby. She was only a few months pregnant... But I could feel a baby in her stomach.... I felt it's hand... then a month or so later she was gone... my fiance had bleeding and bad abdominal pain... I didn't feel any movement..I feel like it's all my fault... she was in a bad place.. her aunt and uncle smoke non stop all the time... I've read about second hand smoke being linked to miscarriage but I was hoping that maybe the baby could make it without being damaged or anything... my fiacnce went outside when they smoked and tried to stay away from them... but they had parties where many people smoked... now maybe It is my fault and I just had bad genes or maybe she did or we both did or... I just... I don't know... I don't want to blame anyone but at the same time I want to blame something... we were trying to have a baby so maybe just maybe it could bring us together and people would be more willing to help... but it just wasn't meant to be... maybe it was a bad motive but I loved that child and it wasn't even born yet. I was dreaming of the day I'd walk them down the aisle and say... "It was hard for us, but we made it and now here you are, getting married.".... I would work hard to give them everything.. .to make sure they didn't end up a failure like me... I know I have time and I'm young but my feelings may not always align with what is true... I just hope I can get through all this... I know people have it worse... but this just isn't good.

Gone Too Soon...