A small Rant about sexuality, hatred and Family roles

OK this last year Has been nowhere near great for myself, my brother, my son, or my mother. even worse i literally went through a identity crisis that almost led to me putting a bullet through my head (almost but im too stubborn to give up). i lost two houses one own and the second was a rent, my job, almost lost my son, and at the head of it all almost my life. but i had a bunch of stuff piling up i was starting to open up to being Openly gay was still in the closet for most people only two that knew were my brother and our mom my brother is going into his teens soon not there yet but he is also gay ive suspected for years but he's great at hiding it, so i decided for the sake of role modleing for him that its ok to be who you are i bit the bullet and while i was not even ready to face the world i did it to show him its ok. i got much support from friends and a few family. but when my brother Did the same he was also flooded with support from all but his dad, his grandma, grandfather, and uncle they have even gone as far as petitioning his school for him to be expelled to protect his cousins from the Gay Agenda. furthermore last time i went home to pick him up and remove him from the situation it resulted in a serious fight which ended as a stalemate with me on my back staring down a shotgun barrel and his uncle stranding over me lined up in my 9MM sights after an almost 20 miniute fist fight. because of this myself and my mother decided for me to take him away and out to California to stay with our Oldest sister and her husband away from this violence. end of story live happily ever afte right? if only i could be so lucky. his dad is currently serving the last three months in Kentucky state Prison for a murder Charge and he Blames me for "useing my sway as his older brother to convert him to the homosexuals to further the Gay agenda" which is Bull shit i had never been open with him about it untill he Told me first. but the fact is this guy is a convicted murderer he has no quarrels with going back in and he swore to kil me for it. while neither here nor there im not afraid of him ill put him in the ground myself if he comes after either myself or the two boys. ( brother and son) but the worst part is i recently been contacted by social services about an anoynomus Tip of sexual abuse against both kids, saying all kinds of outlandish things some of which i didnt even think were possible. but i am overly emotional with them but to be honest its just normal parenting stuff, lots of hugs, when they are upset or scared id curl up on the couch and cuddle, and constant i love yous. yeah not normal of a brother/father but thats due to social phobia of emotion amoung men. if i didnt neither would get any love from anyone, my brothers father is a Drunk, meth addicted convictd Murderer that has spent my bro's whole life in prision, our mother really dont like my brother because of his dad, his other family are all white supremmist drunk assholes, with out me he would have never heard those words he would have never known any love or affection as a child which is very important for a young child boy or girl. How could something so simple as me coming out to support my brother who wanted to come out but was too afraid, lead to this much violence and hatred. it bad i have owned a gun for many years and in that time ive only pulled it out twice and shot and killed one man. i dont like to fall back on it i prefer to fight things out ith my fists if necacerry. but while they dont scare me its the situation that does. i value life i dont want to end it but if threatened i will not a day goes by i dont still remember the first guy i shot that will haunt anyone for the rest of their lives, i never wanted it to happen again but here i was face to face with a shotgun about to pull the trigger on someone i called family at one point, all because me and my brother like men the situation scared the living shit out of me. this world is fucked up how can i honestly in good faith still tell him being gay is OK that its normal after he witnessed it degrade to that level. even as i type this im sitting in the back of my truck and hes asleep on my lap i can hear him talking and his movements and expressions, he still has nightmares about that day. he even regressed to bed wetting again (he was so proud a few months ago when he could stay dry two full months now he back in pullups, thats taken its toll on him, and seeing him broken spirited and depressed is killing me. suicide rates of gay tweens and teens is astronomicly high and he is getting to that age, i am afraid im gonna loose my little brother all because of a fucking label and general phobia.

i just had to get that off no one seems to care anymore and BTW the deal with Social services was resolved as a false report but still it really bugs me in all this. I only wanted to be happy and my brother to be happy, i wanted to be there for him while he made that leap of faith, be there to hold his hand as we both progressed together as family but i dont know if i even have the strength left to still hold my head high and he is definatly traumatized from this. I know LA has some great LGBT centers for youth and our sister has already been in contact with one for when he gets there but still im afraid to leav him behind our sister loves both us not questioning that thats the role a big sister is supposed to have for her two little brothers but its more the fear of the world around us.

A small Rant about sexuality, hatred and Family roles