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I am 19 I have, no job, no car, no license, no high school diploma, no GED, not anything that would help me have a good life aside from my fiance. All I want to do is help people but I can't help myself no matter what I try. I will figure my life out, but I keep getting told I'm a failure, that I'm ungrateful, disrespectful, and that I'm in an endless spiral into nothingness... not exactly what I'd call postive or 'constructive'. Is it my fault that depression, social anxiety, and suicidal tendencies plague me? Not really, yet when I say that, I get told I'm just saying I'm a 'victim' or that I 'am asking for 'pity' when that couldn't be farther from the truth. I don't want pity, I don't even need respect, all I really want from life is love and to love. What am I supposed to do if all my motivation escapes me? Reward doesn't motivate me, punishment doesn't motivate me, nothing motivates me. I keep looking for answers and I find none. I just get told to "Just do it" or "Stop being a p*ssy and do it!" when I don't really know how to just do it. Ironically I have had people tell me stuff about growing up and not wearing diapers or being changed so I should grow up, regardless of the fact the person has no idea of my ABDL side.

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