Another apoligy and an explanation.

First off, I really wanted to apologize for all the not listing to your advice I have been doing, being an accidental Jerk to all of you, for lying and for taking things too far, I actually respect all of you that I contact, and I really value your option, the thing is, I should not have allowed everything to take over like this, but there are reasons, first off the reason why I am so mad at my brother and why I blame him, other than the violence and his bipolar, is because well I can usually see the good in everything and everyone, probably due to being a Christian, but due to his behavior and the way everything goes on with him as well as his Faux-macho attitude, Trying to be the bad guy, and him attempting to be a spirt of fear (his words, not mine,) It’s hard/near impossible to see good in my brother, even though I know it exists, and I just want a normal Brother/Brother relationship with him, also I admittedly did used college as an escape from him, and well this past semester he pretty much through a wrench in that, also Things have been stressful as it is without him In college, but with him there its 1000 times worse, because of the obvious with his bipolar and everything, also because of him, and to a certain extent my grandmother, (although I don’t really blame her that much Due to the fact she is trying to help.), I used to have a set routine or at least a semi- fixed one, It varied but not too much, now thanks to My Brother, All of that routine/order is out the window, because of his rudeness and violence, and his unpredictability, part of the time he’s nice, and part of the time he’s not, You know how this wares on me, because I usually see the world in what’s wrong and what’s right, now there are just so many gray areas that is insane, and saddening to me, and all of that plus the way things are right now leads to overload, you know how there’s sensory overload, well this is emotional overload, which happens when there is so much moral grays that I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE, I JUST WANT THINGS TO CHANGE BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS, BEFORE MY EVIL BROTHER POPPED IN, also, just when it feels like everything will be okay, the stress and anxiety builds up, to unreasonable levels, due to the aforementioned, and everything just blows up in my face and I tend to do things I regret later, I know I have the blog now, and I feel it’s really helping, but I feel this apology needed to be said via article, also I will admit, It started out as mostly me getting advice but it feels like more and more I post stuff just because I need a pity party, and yes there are things I use for advice too, and also I look up ABDL images/stories which I’m not 100% sure if there considered porn which I admittedly fantasize about, and want them to become real, to escape my life, Anyway I hope you now understand why things are so rocky, and I hope you can accept my sincerest apology and I would really like your prayers and advise for my grandmother and I, because this is the hopefully last semester and I want things to go well, and not pretend that it is for once in my life, and cause a bad semester, also I want to have good days from now on, Thank you.

Another apoligy and an explanation.